MechWarrior 2: Resource Forum

mech2memories wrote:i wondered y the baseball was getting bigger... until it hit me in the face

WIN^

what do u mean by win?

i mean its the best joke so far

There was a religious convention and people from all religions across the globe came to attend.
In particular there was a Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi making good conversation.

After the convention both the Priest and the Rabbi make their way to their own cars, and start to back out of their parking spots.
At the same time, they both backed up rather quickly into each other, smashing the rear parts of their cars.

They both get out and the Priest says, "Oh my. This truly is a sign from God. He wanted us to run into each other and become better friends."

The Rabbi, surveys the damage and says, "I think you're right. Maybe we were destined to become friends." The Rabbi looks into the trunk of his car and finds that his Wine bottle is still in tact. "This truly must be a sign that we were meant to become closer friends. Let us drink to celebrate." He hands the priest the wine bottle.

The priest takes a big drink from the wine bottle and hands it to the Rabbi. The Rabbi says "No my friend, we really need to Celebrate more, take a bigger drink."

And the Priest takes one more big swig of the holy wine and hands it back to the Rabbi. The Rabbi says "I insist you celebrate more my friend!"

and the Priest says "Dont you want to celebrate our friendship together???"

and the Rabbi says, "No thanks, I'll just wait for the cops to get here."

thatz the best! XD that sounds like somthin that would happen 2 me (if i were older!)

a man and his wife were walking through a meadow and saw a wishing well
the woman threw in a coin and made a wish
when the man went to make a wish he leaned over too far and fell in and drowned
the woman stepped back then said "wow; it really works"

This dude, okay, is walking on a beach, when all the sudden he trips over this magic lamp. He picks it up, and he rubs it, and a giene (did I spell that right? bahh..) comes out of the lamp and tells the man:
"I am a magical giene, I will grant you 3 wishes, BUT, whatever you wish for, your wife gets double.".

The man says, "okay, umm.... I want $1,000,000.", the giene says "your wish has been granted, but your wife now has $2,000,000.".

"Cool, let's see.... I know! I want to live in an extravagant mansion!" "Granted, but now your wife has a mansion twice as good as yours.".

The man, now very jelous at his wife for her being richer and living in a better home than him, makes his last wish:

"...Beat me half to death."

The Pregnant Turkey

Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep................SHE'S BLONDE!

We're bad at work... we pass a lot of joke related emails around.


Dad at the Mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

A blonde goes to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy curtains.

She tells the clerk, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains. The clerk assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. She shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The clerk then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'

'Seventeen inches?' asked the clerk. 'That sounds very small. What room are they for?'

The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room. They are for my new computer monitor.

The surprised clerk replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!' The blonde says,'Hellllooooooooo .... I've got Windoooooows......'