Joke/Comedy Section?

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Col.Kell
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Col.Kell » Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:14 pm

Blind man just got a new girlfriend. She's hot. Have you seen her?

...Neither has he.
Ba-dum-psssshhhh!
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Col.Kell
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Col.Kell » Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:32 pm

Two guys go to test for US Civil Air Patrol OPSEC training course.
They get settled down and the supervisor hands them out the test sheets, and they start working at it.

Well, at the end ofthe test, the guy holds them up and wants to have a quick word with them.
"You boys both got the very same high score, but only one of you passed."
They ponder why, "How could that be Leutinant?" they said. He explains to them, "Well, you both got a 93, great score. But, Airman, you are the one who failed."
An argument ensures, but ends quickly when the LT. says to him, "The Staff Sergeant came to this last question, #25, he had written down off to the side 'I don't know'. But you, Airman, wrote down 'me neither'."
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mech2memories
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by mech2memories » Mon Jan 05, 2009 3:07 pm

xD nice

ummm, lets see...

true story-

so this lady was speeding down the highway and she hits a car. so, both of the drivers are outside of their vehicals, and the cops drive, and the lady who was speeding runs away and starts to climb over a fence.
the cop shouted "why are you running?!"
she said "it's what the do on Cops!"

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Dragono
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Dragono » Sun Jan 25, 2009 8:27 am

If a man is talking to himself in the forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
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Col.Kell
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Col.Kell » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:25 pm

A Chineese immigrant who doesn't know english moves into the states.

She settles into an apartment, and after unpacking some her stuff, she decides to sit down and see what TV programs are on in America.
She flips through the channels, and she sees the popular TV game show "The Price Is Right". The host says that she has guessed the right price and wins, she says "I did it! I did it!". He shows her the prize; a crystal studed case of silverware, she says "Forks and knives! Forks and Knives!".
The program came to a commercial break, and this commercial about airfreshiners came on and played some corny tune; "freshness with a spin, plug it in! Plug it in!"

After a while, she gets back to the boxes, she then hears someone knock on her door, she goes to the door and sees a policeman. He says to her, "ma'am, there has been a murder on this street, we are looking for clues for the possible suspect, do you have any leads?"
The immigrant says, "I did it! I did it!"
He said, "You did it?! Alright... come clean, what did you kill him with??"
She says "Forks and knives, forks and knives!"
The policeman has had enough, he says "That's it, we are going to put you in the electric chair!"
The immigrant says "Plug it in! Plug it in!"
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Slavick Kell
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Slavick Kell » Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:09 pm

What do you get when you cross a Bulldog with a Tzitzu dog?

...Think about it.

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Dragono
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Dragono » Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:36 pm

> A guy was driving around Dublin when he saw a sign in
> front
> of a house,
>
> 'Talking Dog for Sale.'
>
> He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the
> backyard. The guy
> went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there.
>
> 'You talk?' he asked.
>
> 'Yes,' the Lab replied.
>
> 'So, what's the story?'
>
> The Lab looked up and said, 'Well, I discovered that I
> could talk when I was
> pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told
> the Garda about my
> gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
> country to country,
> sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no
> one figured a dog
> would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
> spies for eight
> years running.'
>
> 'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew
> I wasn't getting any
> younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job
> at the airport to
> do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
> characters and
> listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was
> awarded a batch
> of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now
> I'm just retired.'
>
> The guy was amazed. He goes back in and asked the owner
> what he wanted for
> the dog.
>
> 'Ten euros.' the man said.
>
> 'Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you
> selling him so cheap?'
>
> 'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that
> sh**.'
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mech2memories
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by mech2memories » Tue Feb 03, 2009 4:09 pm

if you ever get sucked in to being the designated driver, have fun with it. at the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house

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Slavick Kell
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by Slavick Kell » Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:32 pm

A boy is having fun with his friends outside on a warm summer day, when he heads towards his house and opens the front door and shouts at the top of his lungs; "MMMOOOOOOOMMMMM!!! HEY, MOM!!!". The mom, clearly frustrated and annoyed by the childs actions, yells back "I am in the living room! If you want me for something you have to come in here!"
The kid walks into the living room with his shoes on and says to her; "I steped in dog poop, where's the hose?"

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mech2memories
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Re: Joke/Comedy Section?

Post by mech2memories » Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:27 am

friends are like potatoes; if you eat them they die

100 blondes and a brunette are all on an airplane flying over the ocean. The plane crashes and they all grab onto this huge branch hanging over a cliff off of an island. Now, if half the people don't get off, then the branch will break and they'll all die. So the brunette makes this really long speech about how she CAN'T be the one to drop off, how she has a FAMILY, and a LIFE AHEAD OF HER, and she just goes on and on for a while. And when she finishes, all the blondes clap.

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